Dissed Appointments = Disappointment

I will try to be grateful for all of the "things that were supposed to happen today but didn't", as being dealt multiple disappointments, in the form of (what felt like) dissed appointments, gave me a chance to observe how I react to such situations.

A friend who has been away called this morning and we agreed to meet for lunch at around noon. Shortly before 12pm, I was near her home and called her so we could figure out where to eat. We chose a place and she said she'd leave immediately and be there in 12 minutes. That gave me ample time to park my car and walk to the sandwich shop, where I waited. And waited. About half an hour after we'd spoken, my friend called to say she'd been sidetracked by a phonecall and she'd be over in a few minutes, perhaps I could get started on lunch. But I needed to leave soon thereafter, to keep my other appointments, and the prospect of a "quickie" without time for relaxed conversation didn't appeal to me. I suggested we reschedule. My friend later apologized for "messing up".

Mid-afternoon, I traveled some distance to see a potential rental apartment. I had spoken last night with the owner and we'd agreed on a time (4pm) and she had given me detailed directions. I arrived a few minutes early and was not encouraged by the fact that her mail was still in the slot. Still, I was ahead of schedule, and willing to give her the benefit of the doubt I pulled out my laptop, hopped onto a wireless network and checked my e-mail. Then I called her, only to get her voicemail. After 15 minutes, which seemed a generous margin of error, I left. At around 5:30pm this woman called and left a deeply apologetic message for forgetting about our meeting.

At this point, I realized I need a swim, thinking it might wash away some of the residue of the day. I arrived to Walden Pond shortly after 6pm, only to learn that swimming was not permitted due to a high bacteria count. Determined to immerse myself in water - any water, even chlorinated water! - I called a friend whose apartment complex has a pool. "Could I come by?" I asked. This person said they would meet me there, but if I arrived earlier I was to go use the pool and sign myself in, no one would care if I didn't live there. And so I arrived and used the pool. My phone rang, and it was my friend, saying they'd be there in five minutes. Thirty minutes later, this person had not shown up, and I decided to leave. I did call to find out what was going on and learned that minutes after speaking with me something else had come up that changed the plan, yet this person had chosen not to fill me in.

Through my spiritual practice and readings, I "know" on an intellectual level that none of these dissed appointments should be taken personally, that it is my choice whether to heap judgment, interpretation, and meaning onto these missed appointments or to just notice my reactions, much as a scientist observes natural phenomena. Yet it certainly felt personal, at least initially, especially with the people with whom I have a relationship. Not that I am perfect - I have on several occasions told say, family members, that I'll meet them at time "x", only to arrive at time "x+20", but in these instances my tardiness or lack of integrity around my words is due to a deep ambivalence. I'm inclined to project this reasoning onto my friends' behavior, concluding that they are ambivalent about spending time with me, but that might not be the case. Perhaps today, coincidentally and unfortunately for my easily bruised ego, I simply was not the highest priority.